I used to be outraged that grades were conferred on my children based on COMPLIANCE rather than mastery of material. For example, in high school, one son missed an early assignment which was quite tangential to the physics course, by forgetting to cut out a news story related to physics. His teacher recorded his grade for that day as ZERO. Any amount of math awareness will inform you that no matter, after that, my son showed mastery of the material, his grade could never reflect his knowledge.
It's always troubled me - this physics teacher was also a football coach. In a not-uncommon way, my mind replays my converation with this teacher. Should I have used a football analogy suggesting that a failed down would diminish the subsequent score of the next touchdown?
Today, I realize that it was not just compliance. The meta message that's most damaging is the assumption that kids are not motivated by the learning itself. The carrot is the GRADE, not the excitement of understanding, discovery and competence.
It occurs to me that in this environment we are denigrating knowledge and elevating credential-seeking.
Now our students, having participated in this system, see no motivation after graduation to read as they get no credit for it and have been conditioned away from seeking it for its own sake.
Sunday, October 31, 2021
Tuesday, October 12, 2021
#StopTheRiver: how we are guilty of unwittingly raising victims and predators
#StopTheRiver
In reading the testimony of one of Dr. Nasser’s many victims I wanted to scream – she said that she had only been 12 and “I had no idea that it was inappropriate, illegal and wrong.” Clearly SHE DIDN’T LIKE IT – why wasn’t that enough? How and when did she relinquish the right to make choices for herself and her body based on her own feelings? How did she lose the sense of her own authority over what she experienced?
Child sexual predators create victims by grooming them -- gradually trespassing boundaries and asserting power over time. Dr. Nasser's 12-year-old victim appears to have been groomed to accept his intrusions prior to meeting him for the first time.
To stop this river of abuse, we need to address the question of who is doing the grooming. Who is grooming our young women to be victims? Who is grooming our young men to be predators? Shouldn’t those people be held to account? I think so, but it will be painful -- because it is all of us.
Years ago I was tasked with giving a brief workshop to college freshmen girls on safety. As we verbally ran through several scenarios that might be dangerous for them, the shocking response from the girls when skepticism and safety were suggested was “but what if they really didn’t mean any harm – I might hurt their feelings.”
We tend to raise little girls to be cute and nice – that their first responsibility is to consider others’ feelings, not their own. We do not imbue them with the right/power to trust their own instincts and act on them. We force them to share their toys when they don’t want to. We convey that the most important characteristics are to be like Cinderella, subservient and, when possible, beautiful. We teach them that the ultimate validation comes from men desiring them. Prince Charming chooses YOU. We leave them powerless to know their own minds and feelings and stick up for them.
When we raise boys to be conquerors – powerful, dominant, triumphant – we are grooming them to be predators. We pat them on the back when they are triumphant – we are cold when they come in second – we force them to participate in competitions based on our need for their trophies, not in response to their personal development or interests.
We can fire all the celebrities, jail all the known molesters, cancel contracts with adults – but until we address the fundamentals of how we are grooming our children to play these roles, we are just redirecting the flow of the river and not stopping the flood.
In reading the testimony of one of Dr. Nasser’s many victims I wanted to scream – she said that she had only been 12 and “I had no idea that it was inappropriate, illegal and wrong.” Clearly SHE DIDN’T LIKE IT – why wasn’t that enough? How and when did she relinquish the right to make choices for herself and her body based on her own feelings? How did she lose the sense of her own authority over what she experienced?
Child sexual predators create victims by grooming them -- gradually trespassing boundaries and asserting power over time. Dr. Nasser's 12-year-old victim appears to have been groomed to accept his intrusions prior to meeting him for the first time.
To stop this river of abuse, we need to address the question of who is doing the grooming. Who is grooming our young women to be victims? Who is grooming our young men to be predators? Shouldn’t those people be held to account? I think so, but it will be painful -- because it is all of us.
Years ago I was tasked with giving a brief workshop to college freshmen girls on safety. As we verbally ran through several scenarios that might be dangerous for them, the shocking response from the girls when skepticism and safety were suggested was “but what if they really didn’t mean any harm – I might hurt their feelings.”
We tend to raise little girls to be cute and nice – that their first responsibility is to consider others’ feelings, not their own. We do not imbue them with the right/power to trust their own instincts and act on them. We force them to share their toys when they don’t want to. We convey that the most important characteristics are to be like Cinderella, subservient and, when possible, beautiful. We teach them that the ultimate validation comes from men desiring them. Prince Charming chooses YOU. We leave them powerless to know their own minds and feelings and stick up for them.
When we raise boys to be conquerors – powerful, dominant, triumphant – we are grooming them to be predators. We pat them on the back when they are triumphant – we are cold when they come in second – we force them to participate in competitions based on our need for their trophies, not in response to their personal development or interests.
We can fire all the celebrities, jail all the known molesters, cancel contracts with adults – but until we address the fundamentals of how we are grooming our children to play these roles, we are just redirecting the flow of the river and not stopping the flood.
Friday, October 1, 2021
Kindness Bullying
Teach your kids to be respectful of strangers - and respecftul of themselves - we all need to practice the comfortable NO. None of us should feel pressured by what someone offers, ostensibly out of kindness or supposed interest in our well-being. Saying NO THANKYOU is a skill as much as kicking a ball into the soccer goal - it must be practiced. Let the kids learn this throughout their experiences at home. A NO does not need to be understood to be respected.
Watching a congressional hearing on voter ID laws the other day I heard various opponents trying to explain why voter ID laws were inherently racist. The only answer those questioned could come up with was - it's racist based on its INTENT.
The same theory of INTENT defining purpose is used by pedophiles grooming victims.
Watching a congressional hearing on voter ID laws the other day I heard various opponents trying to explain why voter ID laws were inherently racist. The only answer those questioned could come up with was - it's racist based on its INTENT.
The same theory of INTENT defining purpose is used by pedophiles grooming victims.
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