Cheap Dignity .. and what it costs us

Tom Friedman of the NYTimes, in a column about Egypt, warns against some leaders' tendency to go for "dignity on the cheap." Sometimes, we Americans do not respect the tremendous drive of other countries to attain/maintain/sustain DIGNITY. We're "on top" and it doesn't occur to us that others may then feel underneath and be driven by the motivation to feel otherwise.

Friedman warns that the cheap way to a sense of national dignity is “by standing up to the foreigners,” rather than to develop educational opportunities for its young people, improve its institutions, etc.

I recognize this! In high school, we had mandatory pep rallies -- "gotta support the team!" -- and talked very much about "school spirit." Years later my sons' schools used the same diversion - identify with athletic accomplishments of the schools' teams and "have pride."

The only rebellious act of mine in the late 60s was to stop attending mandatory pep rallies in the school auditorium on Friday afternoons. I just left for the day when they began. Called into the principal's office I had no problem stating the fact that the rallies had nothing to do with my education (which I was taking good care of) and, therefore, I had no need to attend. He did not argue. I stopped attending and sold my "letter sweater." Unfortunately, I was too young to articulate for myself or others the problem with this whole "school spirit" thing. I believe now, after reading Tom Friedman and Andrew Postman (Amusing Ourselves to Death), that stepping away from pride "on the cheap" is one of the most important steps I took.

In our lovely country, we are in so many ways willing to do things "on the cheap" and wind up with no satisfaction - just restless ineffectuality. A Bible verse echoes in my head through the years, especially when I see grocery carts piled high with food items designed more for entertainment than nourishment:

Isaiah 55:2 "Why do you spend money for that which is not bread? and your labor for that which satisfies not? listen diligently to me, and eat you that which is good, and let your soul delight itself in fatness."

Simple Denial

Life in America offers an option not available in much of the world -- we can be simple-minded in our self indulgence. Like the wars necessitated by our compulsive need for oil, we are an ocean away from the actual costs of our conveniences. It takes some intellectual, moral dilligence to build an association in one's mind between the clean, easy-to-use gas pump at the local happy filling station with the blood arms and legs of those in countries affected by strife over this precious resource we so easily expend.

Likewise, my son recently told me he doesn't eat chocolate. I LOVE chocolate so had not really given any thought to its cost to others, only to myself ($ at the store). Now I'm challenged to own the reality - can I enjoy chocolate harvested by child labor? Can I taste sweetness when it costs sweat, tears, freedom of children in the Ivory Coast? Of course not - but I have been. In a world that offers us unlimited access to information, we also have unlimited access to ample amusements with which to fill our heads so we are unencumbered by harsh realities we wish to avoid.

Shame on me. Thank you, Josh, for the wake up call. Free trade products shift more cost to me, but reduce the human cost on the unseen side of the process. That's more than fair - it's necessary.

Skin or Heart? Which will you harden?

Wayne and I were chatting about a difficult work situation and the ease with which he now is able to handle such customer problems. I noted he has thicker skin by far than when he first began as a professional. The undertow of the words leaving my mouth seemed to pull in a more important thought -- the thickening of his skin has protected his heart from hardening.

Once observed, it seems rather obvious: in life, if we do not develop thick skins to protect our soft hearts, we are in danger of our hearts, then, hardening to protect themselves.

Perhaps this thought will help change my response to hardhearted behavior, thinking of how the hardness I witness may have been formed through unprotected vulnerability, rather than intentionality.

Simple self-delusion

I'm not sure you want to read this - but it's the way my brain works. I've been thinking alot about self-delusion....and, living in the city, also thinking alot about cockroaches. The thoughts converged in my head in the shower and I realized how similar the two things are. They are both disgusting, create damage, skitter around the edges of our lives unseen (for the most part) and remain unrecognized until they are a BIG problem.

Example 1: I quit smoking three times in my life. Once should have been enough, but having successfully quit, the little creepy notion that I now had control over cigarettes and could, therefore, have just one skittered into the edges of my mind and soon propagated and .... set me up to need to quit again. Second time - same thing. Third time: DUH!! I learned!!!

Example 2: Having eaten well for the last several years (eliminating fake foods and sugars, for the most part), I let the changes of our recent move allow me to make my eating habits less of a concern than the more compelling problems of, for example, which shelf should I keep the extra rags on? We ate "out" alot...and often had dessert. I didn't see a big change in the bathroom scale, could still wear the same clothes (for the most part), could still walk and talk so it must have been OK... skitter, skitter.... The self-delusion that what I was doing had no impact crept into my consciousness without my noticing and propagated into a problem!! Back to square one.

Example 3: People we love who find their alcohol consumption getting out of hand, back off completely and prove to themselves they are in control and do not have a problem - therefore, they can have a drink because it isn't a problem for them any more - like it used to be. Skitter, Skitter, Skitter.

I'm not sure where the analogy goes from here - but in order to keep the actual cockroaches from invading your home, you have to be vigilant about anything that feeds them (and it doesn't take much nourishment for a cockroach to survive!) I'm sure it's the same with self-delusions. Really, do we think just because we don't see the plaque in our arteries building up, eating all those carbs and fats is OK? You can't feel the blood sugar rising, so it must not be a problem...

Actual little cockroaches can also creep in from neighbors' dwellings and it behoves us to seal and caulk where feasible. Probably there's a peer pressure analogy. I know with the first time I failed to remain a non-smoker, it just took one good friend and one very bad day to allow that habit to skitter back into my life.

So, hopefully, none of us will suffer from infestations of critters or delusions in 2012. If we do, the sooner we can recognize them and take steps to eradicate them, the better. One thing's certain: left alone, both only get stronger and more difficult to control.