When training dogs or children, it's quite obvious scolding and punishing do not work. All that is learned is avoidance and temporary compliance - and how to scold and punish.
It's possible to train differently - to use redirection (rather than DON'T, give a DO). When the dog chews the rug, bring him an acceptable alternative (his chewy toy).
With kids it's a little different - they are testing what works and what doesn't work. If you indulge when whined at - whining will continue. If you calmly state as reality certain protocols (wash hands before eating, use the restroom before traveling, etc.), you are creating reality rather than controlling behavior.
Setting limits need not involve anger or punishment. Limits are extremely important and ultimately create security - but they need to be clear, unemotional and consistent.
We seem to have a society that knows only anger and destruction as an outlet for frustration or dissatisfaction. What if, instead, we created the opportunity for all our young citizens to be exposed to and experience a culture of courtesy. Guess what... we demand each one of them to attend public schools. If they are not learning civility there, we are wasting our taxpayer dollars.
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